based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize