while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
