I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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