LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
