wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
