I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
