If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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