My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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