I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
