And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
