Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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