What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
