After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
