Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
