1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
