Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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