this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
