Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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