what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
