walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
