Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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