3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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