Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
