i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
