Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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