I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
