Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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