i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
