hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
