Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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