I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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