You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
