Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
