im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
someone owes me an orgasm
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
