His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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