Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
