Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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