Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
