from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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