searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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