you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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