she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
