Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
