I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
