woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize