It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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