i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
