Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
