in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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