I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
