She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He passed out mid-signature
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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