Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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