I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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