Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
