oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
