So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
