There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
