can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
