then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize