Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
