Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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