do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you would pick up someone in the library
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
