is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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