I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
